There was a time when the saree signified Patriarchy for her. She used to detest the saree, for the sake of not using a stronger emotion. But now she felt exactly the opposite about it. This story is how that change came about in her and this one saree that was a symbol of that change.
She was born and brought up in Delhi where she grew up with two sisters and they all were treated equally at home and had a very normal childhood where there was no partiality towards any single person. So, all the initial years of her life, she was never really taught that she was any less to the opposite gender. Unlike many girls her age, she never had restrictions about the time she could stay out or what she should wear or how she should behave. She had a blissful life until she got married.
Then, she got married… Just entering her 25th year, she walked into a Punjabi family decked up in a bright red chooda. Her parents thought they chose well for her… They had focused on marrying her off in an educated, reasonably well to do family. But the mindsets of people are often revealed after marriage when one starts living with them. The same people who appeared so happy about her having a nice career and a good salary suddenly started explaining to her that she had to now adjust timings of her job to suit her husband’s routine because she was now responsible for his family first. She was continuously taunted and cursed for not being good with household chores; for not being responsible and caring enough towards her “God-like” husband and his parents; for being “besharam” for wearing jeans or western clothes; and for still being in touch with her parents and sisters and not leaving them behind post marriage. Eventually she was forced to give up her career as she just couldn’t manage their expectations and her ambitions together.
Then came her first Lohri and a big party was planned. She took out her most favourite saree from her wedding trousseau. She remembered sitting at the shop in Chandni Chowk looking at the spread of sarees in front of her and then her eyes falling at this piece hiding below the pinks and magentas. She asked the salesperson to show it to her. She was mesmerized by its beauty. Excited, she asked the price and had her heart jump into her throat on hearing it. With a broken heart she told him to put it away. But when her dad had brought the sarees home post finishing, this steel grey beauty was lying on the top of it. She jumped with joy and hugged her dad. She was wearing that saree on her first Lohri waiting for her parents. She stepped out all decked up just as they entered the house first among all guests. That was when all went haywire. Her in-laws came, surprised to see them there because they hadn’t cared to invite them to the party. But since it was her first, her parents had come to wish her and had brought gifts. Her parents-in-law took all the gifts from her parents but stayed aloof. Nobody asked them a glass of water even although they had driven all the way from Delhi to Jaipur. Fifteen minutes later, they rose up to leave. That was when she found out that they had not been invited to the party. She was surprised and asked, “Where are you going? Are you not staying for the party?” They looked at each other and said, “No, we were not invited. We came with the gifts because that’s the riwaaz. Everyone gives gifts to their daughter on their first Lohri.” They left before she could do anything. She was trying to summon her husband to stop them, but he took so long to show up that they took the hint and didn’t stay any further.
Upset with his behaviour, she questioned her husband about it but he simply said that she shouldn’t expect anything better because ideally the parents of the girl should not even drink a drop of water in her matrimonial home. She was shocked. She went to her in-law’s room and saw her mother-in-law unwrapping the gifts that they bought for “her” and weighing the gold chain they had gifted her in her hand to gauge how much it might be worth. She was so angry; she just picked up the stuff they had got for her and left for her room. Her mother-in-law called from behind and said, “Yeh kya bakwaas si saree pehen li hai? Nai Dulhan koi aise rang pehenti hai? Koi red ya maroon pehen lo.” She was really angry that day, so she didn’t change. But she faced a backlash for that. She and her husband had a huge fight after the party and her husband picked up the saree and threw it out on the porch saying that if he saw it again, he would throw it in the garbage next. She picked up the saree, folded it with care and put it away then never to wear it again. Her difficult marriage had filled her with a lot of contempt for a lot of things that she identified with marriage - mangalsutra, bindi, bichhue (toe rings), payal, sindoor, and most importantly sarees. In her own rebellious ways, she stopped wearing all these even if it upset her in-laws.
After a year and a half of marriage, she couldn’t take it anymore and went back to her parents. Another year and she was already divorced. She immersed herself in re-establishing her career and slowly her life started falling back in place. Post that she started taking up things that made her happy without caring what anyone thinks. She eventually got a great job as the Learning and Development lead and a soft skills coach of a reputed multi-national company. She was excited to lead a training program for senior management. That was when she embraced the saree again shocking many people in her family. Gradually, she started to be known as the “saree lady” in her office and even among her family and friends. It was the wrap-up party for the first successful completion of the programme. She was the woman-of-the-moment there. After giving a lot of thought to what she should wear, her beautiful steel grey saree came out again for its second outing, almost 5 years after its first. Her father looked at her just as she left home that evening; wrapped in that beautiful one and felt happy and proud knowing well that she had finally become exactly what she deserved to be – an independent, confident woman who was not dependent on someone else for her own happiness, least of all a man who didn’t value her and her feelings. The same saree which signified patriarchy to her was today a symbol of her freedom.
Comments
Post a Comment